Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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