It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
