I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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