The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
