Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
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I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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