FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"