Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still