Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.