you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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