I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
