Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
