he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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