I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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