life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we're making bets on your personal life
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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