Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
