Cold hands, warm shart.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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