I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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