I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
