You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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