Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the day after is always just damage control
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
