Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
