i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
