I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
