That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
