Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
