you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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