What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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