video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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