At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
