can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
