Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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