My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think my vagina is haunted
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
