Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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