ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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