I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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