I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
