He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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