the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize