I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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