Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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