Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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