Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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