I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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