If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my being single is dangerous.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
