So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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