Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize