Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
