I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
