My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
