Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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