Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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