First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
