is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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