Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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