Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
