hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
