I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
