I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
