i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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