We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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