I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
