His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
