just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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