there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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