So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
