I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
