my phone needs a breathalizer
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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