when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
