she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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