You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
