worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
