so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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