I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
