He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
