I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
